"Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"

This is one of my favorite quotes; I read it in my first Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul book a few years ago. My mother in those days found it very hard to talk to me (I don’t blame her) and decided to buy me as many books as she thought I could relate to as possible, you can imagine my collection nowadays.


The Chicken Soup collection is truly amazing, it shares with their readers many different stories, anecdotes, experiences, from different people, in this case teenagers and it is guaranteed that someone, anyone, will always find one they can also relate to. I found a few. There are many other Chicken Soup books that have been published over the years that I have yet to read, one that comes to mind is the "Chicken Soup for Mother and Daughters Soul", I am sure my mom would appreciate it.


Well back to the quote... when I think of it I can think of so many things, people, experiences that I can relate it to; one of them been my first true love.

Her name (very long) was Candelaria Ofelia Pirez Melgares. I don’t remember exactly the first time I saw her, how I reacted or what she was wearing but I do remember when I came to know of her existence and that, I can describe as the most amazing day in my life. I remember always feeling warm and cuddly inside when i saw her and all I ever wanted to do was be near her and feel her, hug her, wrap my arms around her or slowly manage to get her to wrap hers around me... she always smelled so sweet, and when anyone asked her what perfume she wore, she would respond with the most sensual smile "that is my natural smell my love, I was born with it". She was hard to read, and I came to realize that over the 22 years we spent together. Some people would describe her as a sweet loving person, others would say she was tough and rough, but it all really depends on how you met her or came about knowing her. She was my grandmother and to this day one of my first loves. I have never felt love for anyone the same way I have felt for her. Of course, love is expressed and felt differently for everyone you meet, but the love i have for her and the love i know she has for me is one of those some may refer to as "one of a kind".

In my eyes: she was gentle like a flower and in some days will shed so many tears from all the hurt, but at the same time she was a tiger... she was ready to attack anyone that came near any one of us (her family) hurt us in any way, disrespected us or insulted us... she was defensive, she was expressive, she was vibrant, she was LIFE. She was a unique human being, an amazing friend, a great supporter, had a huge heart, a beautiful smile, and a hard worker. In our neighborhood everyone came to her for support, Candita as they would call was everyone's life savior. Whenever anything needed to be done they knew where to go for help, my house was always full of people. In my school, some of the kids would always wonder if she was my mom, and then would make fun of me because of how old she was, but I didn’t care, on the contrary, I was proud of having her play the part, she was different from every other mom.

Our time together was cut short when she fell ill 5 years ago to Colon Cancer. She struggled for a few years and just when she was recovering and re-gaining hope doctors discovered the Cancer had spread. She suffered, yes, and that is one of the things that hurt me the most to this day, watching such a gentle soul who gave so much of herself to her family her friends and the world suffer the way she did. During her last days she managed to be strong enough to travel from Havana (my home city) to Toronto, to visit my parents and me. My uncle, aunt, and two cousins joined us shortly after. We had one of the most memorable family reunions ever. During that time she was weak, she spoke softly, she moved slowly, but she never once complained! She never once asked for help! When it was time for her to leave, she didn’t say Good Bye, she said "Laura, don’t cry, I will see you soon, I promise. I will always be with you". Three days after she arrived back in Havana she passed away, at home alone in her bed.


Losing someone is hard, very hard. The days seem longer and the sadness inside seems endless, but somehow we must all see the light, the light within ourselves and the light within those we have lost. I am thankful, I am grateful I am forever happy and joyful to have loved her the way I did and to have shared with her those years of my life. Although I feel our time together was cut short very rapidly, I believe it happened that way for a reason. I feel that it was worth all this tears and all this pain to have had her in my life all those days.


Today is the anniversary of her death and I feel so blessed!

I feel blessed to feel this immense love I feel for my grandmother; to have come to know her and live in her presence; to have had the pleasure of sharing her light and living in her faith. I love life today because of her. I can feel her with me, inside my heart always. I pray for her soul and always send her way all my love, and all my light hoping it can reach her in someway and help spirit live on forever... SHINING STRONG!


I love you, I will love you always. I loved you and I lost you in person, but I love you and I love you every day even more in spirit. You bring my soul hope. Thank you for showing me this kind of LOVE.


Te quiero mucho Tata! Te adoro!